Too often do I see people stuck in bad relationships. I’m not talking about dating, I’m talking about basic friendships. If you’re someone that is friends with another person who is putting you down, making fun of you or discouraging you, then you must read this. These kinds of people not only affect when you are around them, but also they change your values and perspective on life.
The effect that these people have on you depends on how close you are to them and how many of them you have. The closer you are to them, the more effect they have. The more of them there are, the more effect there is. The effect is tremendous. A study published in the British Medical Journal that was done over 20 years shows that happiness can spread up to the 3rd degree. Meanwhile, sadness doesn’t spread as much. This means that your happy friends make you happy, and you in turn make someone else happy, and that someone else is making yet another person happy. Sadness doesn’t spread as much because the average person won’t hang around another sad person. Yet, still a lot of people hang out with other sad people. Why? Because that statistical minority has a strong sense of loyalty or a sense of safety attached to that negative person. That minority however, still includes a great number of people. Are you one of those people?
If you are, then look carefully at your social circle. Do you have any friends that drag you down? Do you feel like any of them suck the energy out of you? Are they discouraging you instead of encouraging you? Think about it. If this is the case, then you might want to reconsider your friendship.
Regardless of whether you hang around happy or sad people, all people will affect your values. However, sad people will affect your values in a way that you may end up feeling dangerously depressed. This is what I am trying to communicate. Watch out for this. I have seen this over and over again, and it kills me. Good friends of mine are friends with other people who are just sucking the life out of them. Many of my friends see this happening, but they feel almost powerless to change it (they feel very loyal to their depressing friends). I want you to be aware of this, and take action if you can. Try to avoid those who drag you down, put you down, or just make you feel bad.
I’m not suggesting that you should just break off with your friends. Look at the situation closely. If your friend is being sad because of a new situation, then it is your duty as a friend to help him or her. If he or she is a downer ALL of the time, then it may not be situational and you may have to consider leaving them behind. Think of it this way: You cannot help anyone if you yourself are not happy. Your happiness is very important to everyone around you; important to their happiness. Safe-guard your own happiness for the sake of those that matter the most to you.
For the BMJ article, visit: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/337/dec04_2/a2338
